Saturday, 29 January 2011

Con-Dem Drug Strategy For 2011

Now this is scary....

How on earth do they think people are going to detox just because they tell them too?

In my experience addicts are inherently anarchic.. plus the nature of addiction is that change has to come from the inside, a person will not clean up for family/friends/partners etc.. An addict will not change until they are ready, often not until reaching that cliche 'rock bottom'

Putting people onto enforced methadone detoxes is not going to work Mr Cameron... They will just end up using heroin again..!

'To prevent unplanned drift into long term maintenence' .. I quote

Good luck with that one...!

Day Sixteen! & Another Iboga Death

Unbelievably, I'm on day sixteen!

I have good days and bad days, the night sweats seem to have stopped, although the insomnia is still there, some nights I hardly sleep at all and others I can get six to eight hours straight! Which two weeks after detox is pretty bloody good!

PAWS are bearable, just slight goosebumps and hot flashes, restless legs, yawning with watery eyes and runny nose, nothing horrendous anyway.

I read today about a massage therapist that travelled to Cameroon for an Iboga initiation and sadly died from a heart attack, she was about my age and fit and healthy as she was a tennis player.

It does make you think, and worry about just how dangerous Iboga can be! Anyone taking it needs to be 100% sure that it's the right thing to do. Although it has been used for thousands of years it does have the potential to kill you if not administered safely or if you have any heart or liver conditions.

Unfortunately, this is not going to help the cause, in the article linked to above they only mention the use of Iboga for heroin addiction in the last sentence! They focus more on the 'hallucinogenic root' aspect.

Friday, 21 January 2011

Medical Students And Addiction

I've done it a handful of times now,... given talks to medical students about my experience of addiction and treatment.
I've given talks to an auditorium of second years before, and yesterday my GP asked me to talk to some fourth year grads.
I do it because I've experienced prejudice in A&E before, and because these students are just so naive!
Some of the questions they ask... one yesterday asked what diamorphine is ??
Humans are prejudice, and doctors are only human, I know that when you need to go to A&E and you tell them your medical history and that your on methadone/heroin they're attitude changes straight away, you don't get adequate pain relief and your treated with a 'well you did it to yourself' attitude.
I learnt in the end, to just not tell them you were an addict.. which obviously isn't good if your not being honest with them, what if they are treating you with something with a known contra-indication to methadone/opiates/subutex etc..?!

I went in after breaking two ribs coming off my bike a few years ago and after telling them I was a heroin addict etc I was left screaming in pain for HOURS... and told if I didnt stop moaning I would be escorted out!
Now I know, if I hadn't mentioned that I would have been seen by a doctor and given some pain relief while I waited.
I walked out in the end and just scored, it was easier, and helped the pain....

Anyway, these students mouths always hit the floor when I tell them about what I used to do, explaining about injecting heroin and crack at the same time, and how good it feels.
They cant believe people take more than one recreational drug at the same time!
I always make sure they understand that it's not only the lower end of society that end up heroin addicts, but plenty of doctors/nurses/lawyers too.... especially anaesthetists!

I told them all about Ibogaine too, and how it's the only thing that's ever helped really.. out of ten odd trips to rehab, years of counselling and psychotherapy a plant from Africa has the power to break addiction!

Maybe, I planted a seed in one of they're heads, and they go on to work in addiction, and start researching Ibogaine... you never know!

Wednesday, 19 January 2011

Day 7 - Post Ibogaine, The Experience!

Thought I'd write a little about the actual experience as I haven't yet!

I worked my dose out at the standard opiate addicted persons 15-20mg/kg dose, at 65ks that meant about 1600mg Ibogaine HCL, I took this plus 1000mg TA Extract the first time and it blew my head off and really took me a long time to recover after, so the second and third times I titrated the dose over 24 hours, this last time I took 600mg HCL initially then another 400mg TA about 6 hours later, both ways of dosing had the desired effect, I just didn't want the nausea and intense hallucinations.

My First time was the strongest, at the full 19mg/kg dose all at once. I did throw my guts up, projectile vomiting, but didn't really have any massive spiritual awakening. I did hallucinate, everything went green and purple and I was in the blitz being bombed by the nazi's!

I was quite upset I wasn't shown anything that could help me change my current behaviours, people say it takes some time afterwards for the bits to fall into place.
Also that war type, violent visions are quite a common theme.

Some people say they felt the ibogaine scrubbing them clean from the inside out, a lot of people meet with the plant spirit too.. unfortunately I didn't get that.
I'm quite a spiritual person so was hoping to have a full on psycho-spiritual experience, shame I didn't.

It's what seems to keep people clean in the long run, that and the occasional booster dose...

Ibogaine has been called an 'addiction interuptor' and that's exactly what it does, it will not keep a person clean long term unless there is a determination from that person. Maybe this is why it seems to work in better with people in they're thirties and over?

It breaks the cycle of addiction, takes away 95% of the acute withdrawal symptoms and PAWS but you also need to keep working at your recovery.

Counselling, therapy, yoga, exercise etc all help a great deal.

Physically, I'm feeling 'ok' still lethargic and suffering with restless legs/night sweats and insomnia but it's all bearable, knowing that I don't have to find cash and score every day makes up for it!

What's really amazing this time is I haven't gone into the chronic depression I did when I came off methadone, ibogaine re-sets dopamine/serotonin receptors to a certain degree. This is what causes PAWS, it can take up to a year for the brain to re-adjust to making it's own happy chemicals and not being flooded with opiates constantly..

It also gets harder the longer you are taking it, I know I struggled a lot more this time around than last time..
Three shots at iboga detox in the last eight weeks!

But I persevered because I knew, the first time I took it that this stuff actually works! It's just how you use it..
I made the mistake of thinking I wouldn't need boosters the first time and paid the price, going back into withdrawal after four days and having to relapse as I couldn't get more Ibo..

The 'trip' isn't scary at all, (mind you I've taken my fair share of hallucinogens in the past) It kind of makes you feel safe, but you know something powerful is going on! After about 6 hours the main vision part is over and you go into a kind of catatonic 'dream state' where you can move much, sleep or eat... This feels like it's never going to end and is quite hard to get through..

Weirdly, Ibo also seems to reset your senses too, food tastes strange, you can suddenly smell in stereo technicolour, and sunlight is so bright, taking a puff on a cigarette tastes like an ashtray full of water.!

My partner made me laugh today, he said 'so from where I'm sitting it seems like people coming off heroin are either crying, laughing uncontrollably or masturbating' ... haha .. sounds about right!

Tuesday, 18 January 2011

Day Six - Post Ibogaine

Thought I'd better write up how it's going.. they say recovery after an ibogaine flood dose is like recovering from a general anaesthetic.
Well, I can tell you... it is...!
Most people say it takes two weeks to feel ok and two months to feel 'normal' - this  is more likely caused because of the combination with PAWS too usually....
Day six, and I feel fine, had a flat day yesterday, was really craving gear! Thing is, like any habit, if you have done something every day for so many years when you try to stop you have to deal with the body/brain still thinking it needs that fix...
I slept a pretty solid eight hours last night! Its really exhausting recovering after ibo, it's a stimulant so you literally cant sleep for days after. The first couple of days it's all you can do to lay in bed, pissing in a bucket!
It re-sets nicotine receptors too, so every time I take it, I stop smoking, haven't for a week nearly now, probably for the best really as I have chronic asthma and have had to take steroids and inhalers for years.
(which I haven't used since the Ibo too)
Physically the only things I'm struggling with is restless legs, and slight flashes of goosebumps, but no sweats or cramps... Diorreah, but that's normal after Ibo, after all, detoxing from a constipating opiate is going to cause that.
Hot baths every six hours is the only thing that helps with the RLS, well that and ibogaine root bark in small doses..
When I woke up this morning, like when I was using, you have that 30 seconds to a few minutes where your half awake where your not thinking of gear, or being sick, it's when you remember that the sickness kicks in...
Anyway, this morning, the same happened, and for a moment I started to feel ill, my eyes started watering and I was yawning, then I realised I wasn't sick.... just psycho-somatic
Honestly, that felt amazing, knowing that I didn't have to score, or take methadone.. It's definitely one of the things that makes getting clean 'worth it'
It's weird having great big pupils too! Getting used to sunlight without tiny dilated pupils hurts!
I worked out how much I've spent over the years on heroin, at an average of £20 a day, 14 years, £153,000!!!!
I coulda bought a fuckin house!
I spent more than that most days too, paying £30 on a g

I think if someone put a needle of heroin in front of me I'd probably still take it, I'm not that strong yet, but I remember the last time I cleaned up I couldn't even look at a 'heroin story' on the news, seeing people cook up/inject would bring back such strong cravings..

Once you've experienced heroin, it is hard to go back, it's too nice.. Living in a nice warm cocoon 24/7 is nice.. end of... it's the damage you do to yourself that's the problem, especially as an injector, I literally have NO veins left.. groin, only options the last  year or so... my arms and hands are covered in scars that will never leave me..
That's the shit side... and I have to keep reminding myself of it, unfortunately, like most things with humans we look back with rose tinted specs, well I do anyway, and I only remember the good bits... well bit.. the rush after you inject!

Sunday, 16 January 2011

Day 4! Again...

Well I did it!

No PAWS this time. I'm so happy..

Hardly even craving. Will write it all up soon.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Thursday, 13 January 2011

How it arrives

It's Here

I can't post pics as I'm on my phone. Well I'm gonna try using the email post option...

Got to get through the day without using so partner is here when I take it (to make sure I don't die or choke on my own vomit) :)

Got some root bark I can take if I start to feel really crappy. Which I'll total into the mg/kg so don't OD myself.

I wont be able to report hourly like Gleds suggested as you become ataxic and phobic to bright light. So won't be able to stare at bright screen. I'll report after though.

Till next time iboganaughts

Wednesday, 12 January 2011

The Night Before (Hopefully!)

After checking on the whereabouts of my parcel it's now reporting 'in progress'!
So here's hoping it will be here in the morning!
I can't go on like this. I did something today that I promised myself I would never do, I had to pawn my keyboard for gear money!

Gutted! I feel like I've sold my soul. My piano is my solace. It chills me put when I'm feeling depressed and has been my main creative outlet and best friend since I was sexually abused as a child.

I've sold/pawned all my other music equipment over the years for drugs. Guitars/midi keyboards and controllers. Mica/Amps/fx pedals etc etc.

But as my ibo didn't arrive today I had to get through another day without getting sick. And sadly that meant doing the above.

If it arrives tomorrow I can take it instead of my usual morning hit!
That's what I want to happen anyway.

I'm not nervous about taking it. This is the third time after all!

Like I mentioned I'm having to blog from my phone as lappy is broke :( so I'm struggling to update as much as I'd like.
So, my apologies!....

Till tomorrow....


Sunday, 9 January 2011

Three Day Count Down

As soon as this turns up I'll be ready to take it... I ve got one gram if ibo HCL and one gram of TA, PLUS i got 75 capsules of 300mg root bark capsules for the PAWS afterwards, so with a bit of luck I should have enough to see me through the flood (1g of each)~ and then got the caps for after....

So In total, this has cost me a total of over £1000 altogether which is all relative when you compare it to buying gear!

I've started to cut down my gear use in ready-ness for the detox...

between 0.4 and 0.2 a day, mainly due to the drought, obviously meant to be!

Not sure when ill be able to update again as in borrowing other people computers and using my iphone tp update at the moment!

Wish me luck anyway!


Thursday, 6 January 2011

Ibogaine, Step By Step, Version Three

I don't know how many of you have been following ,my blog recently, but I've now had three attempts at self treating with Ibogaine at home, each time I failed basically due to running out of iboa and not having enough for boosters and top ups for PAWS...

It';s not ultimatum, time, it has to to work this time!

I have 75 root bark capsules on order, and have just ordered one gram HCL and one gram TA which I will take at the same time for a flood dose, i;m currently using around 0.2g of heroin a day and this amout of Ibogaine should be enought to cover thsis!

I ahould have recived it all by Tuesday, so I have a few days to prepare, take my supplements, sut my use right down and not use for at least 24 hours beforehand... IT  HAS TO WORK THIS TIME...

The main difference being that I have lots of root bark capsule boosters of afterwards which i'm sure will make all the difference"

Im on a whole food diet, have started taking homeopathic medicine and will probably do a coffee enema the day before.. I havent touched methadone for months  now so that shouldn't be a problem, just heroin..

I managed to got myself some 'comfort meds' this time too (diazepam) that will make a hell of a lot of difference afterwards! I was craving them first time, just to get some sleep!

So I will try and update every day, probably won't be able to when I'm on the actual ibogaine but I promise I will after! and During as much as  can!

Wish me luck, will keep you all updated!


Wednesday, 5 January 2011

Reply From The Government About Diamorphine Prescribing

Heres the reply I just got from the department of health from the letter I sent last month... pretty vague if you ask me...

Heres the original letter I sent of: Plese feel fee to edit:

Dear (Insert MP’s name here),
                 I am writing with regards to the current treatment modality of heroin addiction in the UK.
After personally using heroin for 15 years and having utilising the various treatment options currently available believe I have a fair understanding of the issues surrounding opiate addiction and treatment.
In my experience, and invariably of many others, maintenance treatments like methadone and subutex, have their place, but for the majority of addicts just don’t work, one report suggests a success rate of just 4% with methadone!

There are numerous government reports supporting the prescribing of diamorphine for heroin addicts, and the studies and trials that have been done all have much better results regarding health problems and a marked reduction in crimes committed to support habits.

The UK is also in a better position legally than most other countries as doctors here are allowed to prescribe diamorphine for addiction (alebeit with a home office license) this should be exploited as there are hundreds of thousands of heroin addicts in the UK that can see no way out of their situation.

After a recent heroin ‘drought’ in the UK, a lot of addicts are questioning the range of treatments available to us.
Not only is the situation regarding getting into a treatment programme different all over the country, the choices on offer (methadone or subutex maintenance are not suitable for everyone)
For example, some GP’s will prescribe on the same day, but in other areas users will have to join a drug dependency unit and be co-prescribed with a GP, this on average can take six to eight weeks which is just too long, typically when an addict asks for help, they are at ‘rock bottom’ and need it immediately.
In our class culture, if a user can afford it, a lot of private doctors will prescribe morphine, diamorphine or benzodiazepines with no questions asked. How is this fair to the average addict?

I feel (along with many others) we are made to jump through so many hoops it almost isn’t worthwhile. Even if we do what is asked of us we are only going to get a drug which is more addictive than heroin, has more side effects, is a lot harder to detox from and in most cases doesn’t even alleviate 100% withdrawal symptoms and cravings!
I believe it is time the government looks at other options. Methadone and subutex do not work for the majority of addicts. There are plenty of other options out there and we need to stop looking at addiction with a ‘one size fits all’ attitude.
Addiction is obviously a very complex, difficult issue to treat, many of us have deep psychological issues, whether it be from childhood abuse, or pre-existing depression that we discovered was manageable through opiates.
It is proven that opiates alleviate depression. It’s time we were treated with dignity and respect, like any ‘normal’ patient would get.
Currently, your average heroin user is forced to buy on the streets from unscrupulous criminal gangs that will, as standard ‘cut’ heroin with all kinds of adulterants, putting users at risk from poisoning.

Not only would being treated properly with appropriate medication put a stop to health problems associated with injecting/smoking adulterated heroin, there would be a marked drop in drug related crime, prostitution, gang affiliated violence and profiteering.
I believe we need to re-asses the way we currently treat addicts, if users want to use methadone it should be made easier and faster to access, injectable ampoules should be made available to those who want it as needle fixation is a big part of many addicts’ problem.
Injectable diamorphine should be the standards treatment for addicts that inject and for smokers, in tablet form.
A clean supply of these drugs would massively reduce the problems classically associated with heroin addiction.
It would also mean users would be able to lead a relatively ‘normal’ life, get back into employment and attain some level of dignity as the daily routine of getting money, buying drugs would no longer be an issue!
I realise this is a highly controversial issue and will not change overnight but I believe we need to move out of the stone age when it comes to the treatment of addiction

Yours Sincerely

(Name/Or I guess it could be anonymous?)

Send one off yourself too!

Theresa May's email address (current person responsible for drugs policy/strategy) -

Dear Mr ********,

Thank you for your email of 6 December to Anne Milton about the prescribing of diamorphine to those dependent on drugs.  I have been asked to reply.

The Department is grateful for your email outlining your experiences of drug dependency and treatment.   
Although treatment is not a ‘one size fits all’ system, it is important to understand that high quality treatment is the most effective way to address drug dependency.  Having independently evaluated methadone and buprenorphine, the National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence has recommended that substitute prescribing with either methadone or buprenorphine, delivered in tandem with psychosocial treatments (such as talking therapies), should be the frontline treatment for opioid dependency in the UK.  However, the Department shares your concern that in the past methadone may not have been used appropriately or to the full benefit of patients.  The Department wants to see treatment helping those who are dependent on drugs to full recovery, reducing the harmful effects that drugs have on both individuals and the wider society and enabling them to contribute productively to society.

On 8 December 2010 , the Department published a new Drugs Strategy, ‘Reducing demand, restricting supply, building recovery: supporting people to live a drug-free life’.  This puts a greater emphasis on supporting those who are drug dependent to achieve recovery and on enabling local community providers to help those who are drug dependent to achieve better outcomes.

An electronic copy of the strategy can be found on the Home Office website at:

and by entering the title of the publication in the search bar and following the links.

You may also be interested to know that the National Treatment Agency for Substance Misuse has recently set up an expert group, chaired by Professor John Strang of the National Addiction Centre, to develop a clinical consensus and protocols for substitute prescribing.  This will focus practitioners and clients on abstinence and long-term recovery, and prevent unplanned drift into long-term maintenance.

Yours sincerely,

Edward Corbett
Customer Service Centre
Department of Health'

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

Aplogy From My Heart To My Partner

Im not going to edit this post, I wrote this last night after a big argument with my long suffereing non-using partner... I had some hear yesterady that had obviously been cut with some benzos, and I dont just mean valium or temezepam,, Im talking nitrazepam/midazolam ..  I lost about eight hours, couldnt talk, lost my gear, kit and a cheque for £25 that I really needed today... just dissapeared!

Now this is what scares me and pissess me off about our illegal, unregulated supply. It's downright dangerous, i'm not the first to suffer like this and certainly wont be the last... 

I'ts not a nice buz... I dont remember it!
But it caused a massive row with my nearest and dearest... 

I copied the letter below from the government plus the original letter, please edit and send off yourselves!

Cheers, gary

I no have 75 x 300mg rootbark biogaine capsules for the Paws after my flood dose which I'm hoping will get enough,
I;m in real trouble at home, ,my parther is underdstnably at his wits end with it all!
Hes's been incrdibily kind and understanding these last two weeks,even giving me small amounts of Cash everyday to get enought to stop myself getting sick everyday,

I wish he understood it isn;t a choice and when your in active addiction, I hate asking for money, and I feel incredibly guilty taking money out of our savings t spend on drugs that would otherwise go on a treat for him.

Ive got 75 ribogaine rootark capsules here now but it;s not enough for te flood doe.
I;ve triee two times witha flood dosnow, at home, btoht times I got to around seven days and couldnt cope with PAWS,
I wish he understood how how painful it was,  i'm not making up the syptoms because I want to use..he is the love of my lie and I not only wabnt t9o clean uo for him but for me too and my family, I;ve out my partner through so much and im in tears writing this, He has evey right to be angry with me and im not mad with him for being pied with me,,,
I ty to empathise as much as possible how much pain we put our loved ones through, it must be hearth breaking to watch us self destruct, especially when they see me so much potential in us,!
I wish I could wave a magic wand but i can;t all i can do is keep trudging along this incredibly hard road of abstinence and relapse,
I promise I will do it for us, I want to marray you and have a career!

I know how how much Ive out you through and if you need to step back then please don't let me stop you
I love you more than life itself, S


Sunday, 2 January 2011

'Im Dangerous With Love'

IM DANGEROUS WITH LOVE is an underground adventure that traces Dimitri's risky journey as he treats desperate drug users. He is a man of edgy energy going from one addict to the next without stopping to catch his breath. But then one session goes bad in a remote snowed-in Canadian home, and a quiet young man almost dies. Dimitri must decide whether or not to continue his mission. Is it serving the addicts or simply releasing his own demons? Dimitri travels to Gabon, West Africa, to consult with Bwiti shamans, and puts himself through a punishing iboga initiation in search of guidance.

2009 85 minutes
Directed by Michel Negroponte

Here's a link to an interview with Michel Negroponte