Monday, 9 May 2011


So, after seeing my psychiatrist last week I'm now taking 180mg twice daily..
Apparently for working out equivalencies they take the MST dose and divide by six, I read on the 'release' (Page 19 Here) *PDF*
website that it's actually more like dividing by eight though.
This means I'm taking the equivalent of between 45-60mg/mls methadone, which is a pretty standard dose I guess...
I really don't want to go too high, I'm just making it more difficult for myself to get off! 
MST withdrawal isn't very nice apparently, but it can't be any worse than Methadone or Subutex! And I've done both...

I've also discovered 'SMART Recovery' - Taken from they're website...

Our purpose is to help individuals seeking abstinence from addictive behaviours to gain independence, achieve recovery and lead meaningful and satisfying lives.
The approach is secular and science based; using motivational, behavioral and cognitive methods. We view substance/activity dependence as a dysfunctional habit, while recognising that it is possible that certain people have a predisposition towards addictive behaviour.
Our self empowering, 4-point recovery programme consists of:

· Point 1: Enhancing and Maintaining Motivation to Abstain
· Point 2: Coping with Urges
· Point 3: Problem Solving (Managing thoughts, feelings and behaviours)
· Point 4: Lifestyle Balance (Balancing momentary and enduring satisfactions)

It was started in the U.S as an alternative/adjunct to NA/AA. 
It's based on a similar group therapy model, BUT... (and this is the important bit to me) there is no 'finding your higher power' involved, it was set up by a group of addiction specialists, counsellors, CBT practitioners and the theory is to use a bunch of 'tools' to help a person attain abstinence.
Another fundamental difference to NA is that the group meetings are run with the aid of a 'facilitator', trained to oversee the meeting.

The movement is growing in the UK, there are a few face to face meetings around the country but they also offer online web chat style meetings weekly.

I intend to get involved, I always found NA to be unwelcoming, judgmental, cliquey and hypocritical.
I never felt welcome as a newcomer, and was made to feel bad for taking methadone/sub/mst/ibogaine.

There always seems to be a pecking order, junkies below alcoholics, alcoholics below coke-heads etc...

Silly really, but I guess that's humans for ya!...


Anonymous said...

Thanks for the info on SMART Recovery. I Googled it and sent the link to my son. He is dead set against traditional 12 steps as he is a "theological agnostic". Hoping this will peak his interest.

Tori said...

As A mother of a heroin and many other things addict, I appreciate reading blogs of what addicts go through. It helps me understand my son the best I can. I want to support him but not enable him. I tell him all the time how much I love him and he is truly the love of my life. My fear is that he will die from and overdose and will not know how much I love him I just hate what his addiction has done to him and our family. Wishing you success in your recovery. Never give up.

Sid said...

Jane: That's great, a lot of addicts have a problem with NA/AA philosophy, it never sat right with me, and as much as they say it's not about 'god' (christian), it is.. they have tried to tone down that aspect in the UK (vs the U.S) But it's still a problem for a lot of people.. myself included, I was bought up catholic and hated every second of it!

Tori: Ive written posts before about how hard it is dealing with family when your an addict, unfortunately the guilt and the pain you know you are causing your family feeds back into the cycle of using!
Im sure he knows how mch you love him, I really wouldnt worry about that. Unfortunately, and maybe youve already realised this, there is absoloutely nothing you can do for him. Apart from being there emotionally for support and re-affirming that you love him, and are there for him, nothing you can say or do will make him clean up.
It's cliche but true, he will not change until he is ready, and that can take a long time! It took me 13 years of using before I cleaned up the first time.
With regards to overdosing, maybe you could just make sure he knows the risks of mixing drugs (most od's are caused by poly-drug use)
Benzodiazepines and alcohol are particularly dangerous when mixed with opiates.
If you are open to it, maybe you could let him use drugs in your house? I know it's not ideal, but at least there would be someone around if anything went wrong!
Im not sure how it works in the U.S but some drug units provide naloxone, the drug used to bring someone out of a heroin overdose, if you can get your hands on some, do!
As much as I hate to admit it, tough love is appropriate here. Do not give him money, stand your ground and tell him you will not enable him. But that you will always be there, and when he is ready to quit you will do all you can to help.
Do not expect miracles, familys high expectations can be a cause for continuing using, and it just leads to deceit.
I wrote a post before about why we lie, have a look back over my blog.

Please take good care of yourself..


Gledwood said...

can you bang up those lovely pills?

i used to be on methadone pills but i never injected them; there was too much good gear going around at the time to bother injecting some nasty white pills... someone i know who had banged them up said it was like injecting milk. which i found really offputting

i wish they would prescribe injectables on the nhs. i might have foud a script i would stick to without conatantly using on top YEARS Ago!!