Wednesday, 23 March 2011

Booster Day

I just took a booster dose.. well I say booster, it's more like an in between booster and flood dose.. Ive got 2000mg TA and am going to split it into 4 or 5 doses over a couple of days.

My ears are starting to buzz as I type.. and the screen is too bright. (The first symptoms you notice when you take it)

The point of all this is to top my nor-ibogaine levels.
Ibogaine converts to nor-ibogaine in the liver and it has a significantly longer half-life to Ibogaine.
A lot of people claim the majority of the 'addiction interrupting' properties are attributable to the nor-ibogaine.

It can hang around in the body for some weeks after flood dosing, which is though to help with cravings post detox.
I've also got some root bark (the raw root powder with all the different alkaloids) left over for after/PAWS

As I've been reading, it seems very important to have an aftercare plan in place after the detox
Be that counselling, yoga, acupuncture or exercise. Group therapy is particularly noted to help.

My problem is that I have no willpower to talk of, and I'm so un-disciplined! And I always have been, not just since starting on heroin.
I really need to work on myself, I need to find a vocation that I actually WANT to do, I'm 31 now and I still haven't a clue what I want to do with my life!

Don't get me wrong, I have worked the majority of my habit, doing jobs as diverse as tree surgery and body piercing, to counselling/key work, and managing bars and clubs.
I'm not aversed to working, I just want to be doing something I believe in.

My passion is music, I'm a grade eight pianist, I play guitar, drums, accordion, some strings. etc...

I would dearly Love to find a career in music but I always talk myself out of it, (self sabotage button again)
But I'm slowly realising that I need to follow my heart if I'm ever going to find any peace and fulfilment!

I need some guidance, I don't help myself, I'm lazy, I'd quite happily watch TV all day, but nothings going to fall into my lap that way..! 

I guess I just need to work out a plan and some life goals... and sharpish... I'm sick of always staying in the same place (psychologically and physically!

1 comment:

Worldbones said...

tell me about it sugar, I haven't touched my bass guitar since i moved here and can barely bring myself to post on here, let alone write anything substantial. And it would be a shame if we disappeared with no trace.. cos I for one know we have a lot to say.. it's just really fucking hard to be objective from the gutter.

love ya xxx