Iboga- A Magic Bullet?

Thoughts and random musings 

I get the feeling, that this blog and therefore, my own thoughts and behaviours are, to the average reader, quite controversial. 

When I first started writing this I was just the other side of my first Iboga experience. 

Maybe I was in the happy cloud older Iboga initiates talk of?!

Either way I was so enthused and amazed at how easy, yet incredibly powerful, that first 'flood' was!

The blog continues, charting my journey through addictions and life. Two more full floods followed with lots of half assed attempts inbetween. 

Looking back to that first trip I was so naive! 

I mean I'd read everything I could find on the subject, I knew the pharmacology and the plants physical and psychological effects. I'd spent nearly two years plucking up the courage to do it. 

From what I'd read online, I was expecting this incredible psychedelic, cathartic, energising, beautiful experience. One where I may get nauseous and would certainly get ataxia and wobble about the place. I did everything by the book, 18mg/kg HCL taken in two lots two hours apart. 

I'd been preparing for a long time, reducing my methadone, eating healthily, hydrating, cutting out prescribed meds and other recreational drugs. I had a sitter (who was probably more terrified than me!) I had written everything down in case of an emergency and the doctors needed info. I even signed a disclaimer of sorts, proof that I had knowingly and willingly taken Iboga. 

http://www.ibogaine.org/ibogaine_udi_bastiaans.pdf

Well, I don't remember much, it was amazing though. I do remember bits of it, my partner turning into a purple and green skull with dreadlocks, the drums, the fire, singing and clapping. 

You pretty much lose all concept of time, I guess it was about 12 hours later I started to become lucid again. 

It is a wonderful feeling, realising you are 36 hours into an opiate detox with zero withdrawal symptoms and no urge to score. 

I got emotional, floods of years, happiness, regret, sorrow..

I called my mum and apologised for having worried her for so many years, how sorry I was for letting them all down. It was quite cathartic!

24 hours in and the main Iboga trip is wearing off, I can walk around a bit now, I sipped some juice. 

48 hours in and I keep pinching myself, 'am I really clean?' ... 'Im not sick, I should be in the midst of a cold turkey!' .. Na, nothing!..

72 hours...

Start to get a runny nose, guts liquify. I calm myself and convince myself this is just the last of the methadone coming out, they're very minor symptoms and that I should stop being a pussy. 

I call ibogaworld and literally beg them to send me some TA or HCL and I'd pay them back when I was better. 

(I was, and still am, incredibly grateful to Michele and the ibogaworld team for helping me out like that) 

They agreed but it would take ten days to get to me. 

I trudge on.. Managing to grab snippets of sleep here and there. 

Ok, by day five I'm sick as fuck. 

The Iboga has worn off and in shitting and puking and sneezing.. How long does this go on for?!

I can deal with a bit, but this is fucked. 

The Iboga on order is at least a week away still!

Day six and I can't cope any longer, it's too painful, I give in and score a bag. 

I feel like a piece of shit for not being 'strong enough' to make it. 

I justify this as a 'slip' and that ill make another attempt at an Iboga flood in a few months again (which I did do)

So, I learnt a lot from this, I learnt that despite all my hope and determination, methadone, no matter how you detox, is a bitch to get off. 

I started hearing more and more stories from people that struggled and 'failed' when trying to get off methadone and suboxone with Ibogaine. 

This made me feel a little less crap about myself anyway, it's apparently quite a common scenario. 

I see this more and more often, desperate addicts thinking that Iboga is their one and only hope of cleaning up. 

It does sound amazing, and don't get me wrong, it IS amazing. 

BUT, it really isn't the silver bullet/golden ticket/last chance that people think it is. 

Sure, some lucky people do get, exactly what they are looking for, when it all works out its amazing, these people completely turn their lives around. They also, often become very vocal advocates of Iboga, this is beautiful to see and they're doing a sterling job. 

The down side to these people though is that they often only see the good and challenge anybody's opinion that doesn't match their own. 

I've been told I was just weak and I could have got through that first flood if I'd tried harder. 

They will not accept that Iboga just doesn't work the same for everyone. 

I have a good friend that went to a provider for treatment, the HCL had zero affect and she spent three days shitting and puking up. Further doses made no difference at all and she eventually managed to crawl home to score. 

We don't know why but on occasion Iboga doesn't do what we want it to. It doesn't seem to be down to dosing either.

It's quite possibly genetic. 

Just like some people who were perfectly healthy and passed the ECG and blood tests before treatment, drop dead of a heart attack five days after flooding. 

No one knows why. All we can do is try to negate the risks and work as safely and responsibly as possible. 

I'd love to see some proper stats on this. I don't think there are many studies looking specifically at long term abstinence post Iboga. 

I'm pretty sure they would be quite a lot higher than traditional detox and rehab; which from memory stands at about 5%. Same as methadone treatment. 

I found this paper which documents a small sample. http://www.ibogaine.org/ibogaine_udi_bastiaans.pdf

I won't quote parts of it but have a read. Interesting stuff. 

The problem with doing these type of trials is mainly that the patients drop out and stop reporting, or they relapse or they pass away. 

It's a difficult thing to study. 

It's been nearly a month!

Hi everyone!

So,

Where am I?!

Well, things are ok. It's been nearly a month now since I did another Ibogaine flood.
It's funny looking back at my blog entries over that first week!
I've left them as they are just to show quite how ataxic and clumsy the medicine makes you!
I mean, I don't even remember writing them! Haha..

So, a month...

My Ibogaine 'glow', always seems to last about a week, others report this 'floating on cloud nine' feeling for up to three months sometimes!
I think it must have been around day six or seven I started to feel a bit down, I was also trying to cope with minor withdrawal symptoms.
By minor I mean very low level chills and sweats, goosebumps, diorreah, sneezing etc.
Nothing unbearable, just annoying.
I was using iboga root bark to cope with this which always works very well, unfortunately I ran out!
I had less than I thought as I forgot I'd micro dosed for two weeks leading up to my flood to get my morphine tolerance/habit right down.
On that note, micro dosing co-commitantly with root bark works really well!
I was using up to 1200mg daily, I'd take 900mg (iboga rootbark)upon waking, in place of my morning shot and it worked like a dream!
By using this protocol I managed to easily cut down a 600mg IV morphine habit daily to 100-200mg!
I was also still shooting speedballs nearly every day too and managed to stop that too.
When I say 'easily' I really mean it.
Like, not only was I not in any withdrawal, I was actually high if anything!
Iboga not only potentate's opiates but it also seems to extend the effect.
After a week I was able to drag my first shot of the day out til mid afternoon! Something that just would not have been possible without the iboga.

Using the two together can be dangerous though. In the doses I've mentioned there shouldn't be any issues BUT, if your thinking about doing the same then please do some research first!
Because of the potentiating effect the risk of overdose is increased and this protocol must be used very carefully.

Anyhow, back to my current situation...

As I say, about a week after my flood I was feeling pretty crappy, physically.
I had ran out of bark and was waiting on more to arrive.

I ended up slipping and using once. Strangely, it just wasn't the same as before.
I just didn't enjoy it, like I couldn't get high?..
I've heard others report similar experiences too, not being able to get high after Iboga, or rather the drugs just don't cut the mustard any more.

So I used, once, a speedball...
It was crap, I didn't feel high. It relieved my PAWS for a few hours but more importantly, it really put me off using!
Over the course of three floods now, the way I think about drugs has changed dramatically.
I don't obsess and 'fiend' over them anymore, it's actually quite liberating!
I mean, I've been a live to die  junkie for years! I didn't care about anything, least of all myself!
My health, both mental and physical, just weren't important. I didn't care what damage I was doing to my body and I'm sure I have.
My lungs are terrible and I know that shooting MST for the last two years has taken it's toll.
I'm quite badly asthmatic anyway but after coming off opiates I really noticed just how bad my breathing is.
Lately I keep finding myself short of breath, half a dozen times a day I find myself panicking because I can't catch my breath.. It's terrifying actually!
Opiates suppress the cough and breathing reflex, this is why they are used in cough syrups.
I just plain didn't notice how bad my breathing was!
I've been on about six courses of different antibiotics and oral steroids recently as I was aware I had a chest infection but it just didnt seem to want to shift.
I really noticed suddenly after stopping the morphine that my breathing went back to normal and the chest pains that were being masked by the opiates came to the fore.

I've just finished another course of amoxycillin anyway so fingers crossed I'll get better now.
I even ended up calling an ambulance at 5am the other day I was so panicked because I couldn't breath!

Anyway... Where was I?

Yes.. Nearly a month..!

Aside from the chest and my one very minor slip, I'm still clean!
I've stopped the benzos too, I was taking far more than I thought, the last thing I needed was/is a bloody benzo habit on top of everything else!
I'm even trying to stop smoking at the moment.. Mainly because I physically can't with my chest being so bad but also because I want to, for the first time in my life!
I've cut down from 40 plus a day to like, five or six which is pretty cool.. (I do have three patches on though)

So, to sum things up..

I'm very happy with where I am.
Things may not have gone perfectly to plan, no, I didn't manage to stay 100% clean after my flood, BUT;
I've had a huge shift in my thinking and behaviour!
I'm no longer shooting anything, I've been attending NA andf SMART meetings three or four times a week and even saw a clincal psychologist the other day.
Hes actually really nice, I don't usually get on with psychs, especially male ones for some reason but I like this guy.

I guess it depends on how you define success anyway I guess, in relation to my detox..

In my eyes, I had a minor slip and have since picked myself up, dusted myself down and worked hard at my recovery.

I had some drama recently I could have done without..
I'm a member of a great support group on facebook, it's a closed (ie private) group called Ibogaine Survivors Club 
It's a place I feel safe and can be honest usually but the last few days something happened which really surprised and disappointed me.

Only a few people know about my slip and they're mainly people I know in real life that I felt able to tell.
I made a bad call a few days ago by confiding in another group member who I really thought I could trust.

Unfortunately after telling this person about my slip she decided to take it upon herself to 'out' me.
She literally went from a good friend, saying how happy she was that I felt I could confide in her and did a complete 180!
I was basically emotionally blackmailed.
She said that she could no longer post or share in the group as she didn't want to 'support my lies'
That I'd pushed her out of the group with my dishonesty etc etc..
Anyway, this ended up with me basically saying that I'd leave, which I did (after telling her to go fuck herself and what a nasty person she was)
It was horrible, these people are my friends but I did leave (I'm actually even an admin there) so she could continue to share.
How bad is that right?!

I wrote to the other admins of the group (the actual group 'owners') to tell them everything as I knew she would
Luckily they were not bothered in the slightest and I was talked into returning.
So yeah, she did as I thought and spent the day yesterday messaging the admins trying to get me into trouble.
Unfortunately for her I'd already told them everything so this all ended up backfiring and making her look like a douche and a gossip haha

Actually, the funny thing is that she started the whole thing off, me telling her, by saying in a private message that if she knew I'd relapsed she'd be on a plane to the UK to get some 'proper H' !(She's from Finland, apparently it's nearly impossible to get heroin over there)
It's only because she said that that I felt I could confide in her.
She swore blind that she wouldn't break my confidence!
She's literally spent the last two days messaging people in the group trying to get me into trouble, I've also been told that she's got a screw loose and that she prides herself on her ability to 'take someone down'
She has no qualms about snitching on people to the cops apparently.
I don't think she has anything on me luckily. She does though have my address as she sent me some Ibogaine a whole back.

I really can't be bothered with all this right now anyway, I'm concentrating on myself, staying clean and serene!

The whole thing is awful, of course I wanted to be honest with my support group!, I haven been intentionally lying and enjoying it. Far from it! Fact is its not quite a simple as all that, there is other stuff going on, it's not black and white.

Why all the drama!?

Anyway..
That's it for now

Hope you lot are all good!?
let me know in the comments.. :)

Sid